On this day each year, I like to highlight important breaking news. Here are today's likely headlines:
Anti-gay activists promise to mind their own business.
In related news, anti-abortion radicals say: If we don't believe in abortions, we won't have one.
On the 2014 campaign front, since learning that Lindsey Graham may be "ambiguously gay," his four primary opponents have vowed that in a run-off they will join together to support him.
Finally, due to the popularity of the decision by the state budget committee to censor college assigned reading by withholding funds, our legislators have decided to also withhold food stamps from those who read foreign language books.
Enjoy your April Fool's Day.