On this day each year, I like to highlight important breaking news. Here are today's likely headlines:
Anti-gay activists promise to mind their own business.
In related news, anti-abortion radicals say: If we don't believe in abortions, we won't have one.
On the 2014 campaign front, since learning that Lindsey Graham may be "ambiguously gay," his four primary opponents have vowed that in a run-off they will join together to support him.
Finally, due to the popularity of the decision by the state budget committee to censor college assigned reading by withholding funds, our legislators have decided to also withhold food stamps from those who read foreign language books.
Enjoy your April Fool's Day.
Showing posts with label April Fool's Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label April Fool's Day. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Saturday, September 14, 2013
In All Fairness
While I was tuned in to as much of the Syria "debate" as I could stand, a couple of remarkable things happened.
The absolute ickiest person in the country, Ariel Castro, after being found guilty of kidnapping and holding captive three women and sentenced to a hearty life plus 1,000 years, committed suicide. Eric Bolling at Fox News thought it was Christmas, imagining all the tax dollars that could be saved if every bad guy killed himself.
Again in the icky category, George Zimmerman appears to have threatened his wife with a firearm. It also appears that he is not likely to be arrested, as his wife, whose veracity is questionable to say the least, is now saying he did not have a gun. Who knew Zimmerman was potentially violent? Certainly not the court that found him not guilty for murdering Trayvon Martin, and then handed him back the gun he used to kill Martin on his way out of jail.
Meanwhile, continuing with the stranger than fiction theme, back in the real world, the US and Russia have reached an agreement on a proposal to eliminate Syria's chemical weapons arsenal. Throughout these amazing talks between two world leaders that have lately been unable to agree on the weather, the media have reported that the American people are not happy. It seems that not only do we not want to go to war because there is nothing in it for us. We also are disgruntled because such an agreement with Syria would mean that Assad would give up Syria's chemical weapons without getting punished.
And as I write this last line, let me remind you that yesterday may have been Friday the 13th, but it's feeling more like April Fool's Day.
The absolute ickiest person in the country, Ariel Castro, after being found guilty of kidnapping and holding captive three women and sentenced to a hearty life plus 1,000 years, committed suicide. Eric Bolling at Fox News thought it was Christmas, imagining all the tax dollars that could be saved if every bad guy killed himself.
Again in the icky category, George Zimmerman appears to have threatened his wife with a firearm. It also appears that he is not likely to be arrested, as his wife, whose veracity is questionable to say the least, is now saying he did not have a gun. Who knew Zimmerman was potentially violent? Certainly not the court that found him not guilty for murdering Trayvon Martin, and then handed him back the gun he used to kill Martin on his way out of jail.
Meanwhile, continuing with the stranger than fiction theme, back in the real world, the US and Russia have reached an agreement on a proposal to eliminate Syria's chemical weapons arsenal. Throughout these amazing talks between two world leaders that have lately been unable to agree on the weather, the media have reported that the American people are not happy. It seems that not only do we not want to go to war because there is nothing in it for us. We also are disgruntled because such an agreement with Syria would mean that Assad would give up Syria's chemical weapons without getting punished.
And as I write this last line, let me remind you that yesterday may have been Friday the 13th, but it's feeling more like April Fool's Day.
Monday, April 1, 2013
What's New on April 1
Here are some news items for South Carolina:
A bill has been introduced in the state legislature banning nuclear weapons strikes within the state, but it does allow individuals to carry rocket launchers.
Jim DeMint has been forced to resign from his position as president of a national think tank, due to the fact that he has run out of thoughts.
And lastly, Mark Sanford is reported missing. He is thought to be campaigning on the Appalachian Trail.
Isn't it a great day in South Carolina?!
A bill has been introduced in the state legislature banning nuclear weapons strikes within the state, but it does allow individuals to carry rocket launchers.
Jim DeMint has been forced to resign from his position as president of a national think tank, due to the fact that he has run out of thoughts.
And lastly, Mark Sanford is reported missing. He is thought to be campaigning on the Appalachian Trail.
Isn't it a great day in South Carolina?!
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