Our Dysfunctional Family

A good friend and Democrat called me to account for myself yesterday.  She wanted to know, given the complaints I've made about the Democratic Party, why I didn't become more involved.  A fair question, but one that I have mulled over quite a bit, so I was happy to try to give her a good answer.

First of all, I am not a gregarious, or even terribly sociable, person.  I am content at home, working in the yard or curled up with a good book.  A few years ago, I began to attend Democratic functions.  In my fairly long life, I have done that from time to time, but never among such a group of committed, smart and strong women friends as I have here in Charleston.

For awhile it felt good.  I got to meet people that were running the Democratic Party, some candidates, and some who were in government.  But after a time, it became just something I had to do.  That's not on anybody but me.  It is who I am.

But I am also a retired psychologist and an avid reader.  I am committed to learning and observing, trying to make sense of the insanity that is politics, and writing to try to convey what I see in an effort to help turn the tide of corruption and deceit.  I stand somewhere between the typical voter and someone a bit more knowledgeable, so if I don't know that something is happening, chances are the typical voter doesn't know.  And as a life long Democrat, I would like to see a strong Party help us all move forward.

The "election" of Donald Trump was the last straw for women who have been used and abused by male politics.  From wages to reproductive rights to child health care, women have been the dog whistle of the right that nobody talks about.  And too often because of that, it is women that are thrown under the bus by Democrats.  There is no better proof of this than the fact that Bernie Sanders stumped for a candidate that, otherwise progressive, said he could not support a woman's right to an abortion.  Imagine a progressive supporting a candidate who admitted that he believed African-Americans should send their children to different schools, or that gay men and lesbians should not have the right to marry.

On January 20, the County Party held its organizational meeting.  You may recall that it was also the one-year anniversary of Trump's reign, and that on that Saturday a year ago, women marched in protest.  Maybe County Dems scheduled their meeting unaware of the conflict.  But wouldn't it have been something if they announced very publicly that they were changing the date so that we could all get to Brittlebank Park and support the women's movement?

It was the movement that began with the Women's March one year ago that has given voice to #MeToo.  I am neither surprised at those voices, nor am I surprised at the backlash.  The hashtag allowed women to speak up without fear of reprisal, but the next step is debate.  And the one after that is action -- consequences that protect the woman and send a message that a behavior is unacceptable.  Yes indeed, Roy Moore is a whole different can of worms (literally) than Al Franken, but our political stage acts out what is happening at fast food restaurants, high schools and homes throughout the country.  If the Congressional Ethics Committee really did its job, a hearing would have been the way to go, but for Franken to have gone through the charade and been given a slap on the wrist so that members of the Senate could continue to protect their own, it would have been wrong.

Women need to keep speaking up and speaking loudly, or this movement will never get past Hollywood and Washington, to the women without power who need it most.

There are an awful lot of more subtle ways that women are getting pushed aside, and if we are unwilling to look at our own state politics, we are not going to move forward.  Thanks to groups like Emerge America in South Carolina, women are being not just encouraged but assisted in their decision to run for office.  Women are leading, but if men ignore or minimize the candidates in South Carolina, our voters will select the man in the primary, and general election voters will choose "R."  That's on the state Democratic Party.  The one that, to my knowledge, has never been led by a woman.

Republicans know how to message their sick policies, and they know how to unite behind that message.  The other thing they really know how to do is choose their tokens.  Nikki Haley, both a minority and a woman, killed two birds with one stone.  She is smart and attractive, and knows how to toe the Party line, with style.  The republican party knew that putting up a woman would defuse criticism of sexism in the party, just as parading Tim Scott neutralizes accusations of racism and eases any feelings of guilt by white republican voters.

Lately, in fact just over a week ago, Nancy Mace won the race for state house representative for District 99 against Cindy Boatwright.  Nancy is Nikki in the making.  A woman who made a name for herself at the Citadel and has been polishing her conservative image ever since.  When she was unable to defeat Lindsey Graham as a challenge from the right, she settled for moving down to state politics.  Before she moves up again.  And the republican party is going to groom and support her any way they can, because she is going to do their bidding, happily, when she wins.

Could the State Democratic Party have done more (anything) to help Boatwright?  They think not.  And yet we Dems know we are on the right side of the issues.  And we know that far too many voters stay home, too many don't even know there is an election, and surely don't believe it matters.  Where there was a solid get-out-the-vote grassroots movement, here in Charleston, Boatwright won the votes.  Did the County Democratic Party help make the difference in Charleston?

Republicans don't back off when the evidence shows they can't win.  They double down.  And sometimes they win.  If they don't win, they make sure we all know it was some sort of victory anyway.

Brian Hicks wrote a brilliant and hysterical opinion piece yesterday about the republican race for governor here in South Carolina.  You may not be surprised to hear that the primary contestants promise to provide a clown show.  The issues for us should be clear, the republican positions ridiculous.  On the other hand, every-damn-one in South Carolina will know who they are.  As we should have learned from Donald Trump, the only bad publicity is no publicity.

For Democrats in South Carolina, unless the Party steps up with TV ads, billboards, and well publicized events, our candidates will be the best kept secret of 2018.  And that will be a shame.  Great candidates -- and we are fortunate to have lots of them this year -- still need help making headlines.  It would be a shame if, when states like Alabama are able to send a Democrat to the Senate, we are unable to change the color of our local, state and federal government.

We need leaders who are unafraid to shout out the issues and point out the hypocrisies of their republican opponents.  We need the ugly antics in the State House and in Congress made public, daily.  Fund raising emails might work better if they are linked to a candidate; otherwise we are going to donate directly -- if at all.  Issues and republican Newspeak need to be explained -- for example, republicans should not be allowed to do the damage to small businesses they get away with while claiming they are the party of small business.

Boeing and Mark Sanford understand that voters still watch TV.  Even as I fast-forward through commercials on the DVR'd local news I can't miss the polished anti-union or pro-candidate messaging from the right.  Debates -- primary and general -- get the name and the message out.  It was shameful that in 2014, PBS refused to air a debate between Brad Hutto and Lindsey Graham; the forum that was aired instead of a debate allowed Graham the upper hand and was so polite as to be ineffectual.  I truly hope that does not happen this year.  We need our party to push for debates anywhere and everywhere they can put our candidates' faces and ideas in front of the public.

Mark Sanford and Tim Scott know when to show up.  And how to get publicity.  And when to stay quiet.  And they have republican staff that knows how to get their names in headlines in the Post & Courier, and in the local Beaufort and Myrtle Beach newspapers.  They have buffed their down-home images so that every white haired lady except me and my friends believes there isn't a day that they don't do a good work for the people of South Carolina.

I may be wrong.  If candidates believe they are getting what they need from our Democratic Party, I would like to know.  I would also like to know what candidates believe the Party could do for them in 2018.  This, like #MeToo, is a talk we need to have.  Because, more than anything, dysfunctional families need to talk.   

Creepy Congress

Corrupt, sleazy liars.  We could all go on and on.  It has reached a point these days, between sexual harassment and blatantly stealing from the American people to add millions to their donors' wealth, that words fail me and I have had to resort to verbal emoticons:

Ugh.  Yuch.  Blech.  Euwww.

It is really inconceivable that Mitch McConnell has been able to get away with bending and breaking rules so flagrantly.  But it is happening.  Congress is now made up of salivating dogs that haven't even swallowed their tax cuts and are already sniffing for the next meals, Social Security and Medicare.

Gross.  Disgusting.  Sick.

And as if raping our country wasn't enough to turn our insides, we have lately been forced to confront what every-damn-body knows about men's scorn for women.  And Democrats, no surprise, are complicit.

So let me just vent a little about what we have all known as acceptable behavior until now, and just how STUPID it is.

Men continue to treat women nursing babies as though they are committing a dirty act, and don't allow it in public.  That asshole contaminating our White House actually made a point of being grossed out because Hillary needed a bathroom break during a debate.  But apparently it is a THING for men to lounge around their offices without their pants on.  After all, LBJ lowered that bar by insisting that staff talk to him while he was on the toilet, with the door opened.  Although, to my knowledge, it was just male staff to whom he was giving the benefit of his full perspective.

What the fuck are they thinking?

It's funny -- not haha funny but sad, pathetic funny -- that I heard no one during the debates about John Conyers and his need to allow his private parts to breathe, wonder why the hell he didn't lock his damn door.

African Americans have known all along that white folk behaved as though they were inconsequential, invisible.  And that that behavior was intended to put them in their place.  Women, we need to recognize that men have been doing that to us.

From the coining of the words mansplaining to manspreading, the younger generation of women has been letting us know that they have caught on.  Panels of old white men making laws about our genitals and reproductive systems is obscene.  More important, it reinforces the message that they know better than us, and reminds us in no uncertain terms that they are in charge.

So it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that Trent Franks had asked female staff about inseminating them, offering money for the service.  What IS surprising is that it was only when the women were concerned that he was talking about sex, not artificial insemination, that they decided to go to the House Ethics Committee.  Because, after all, asking a member of your staff to impregnate themselves for you without sex would have been okay.

What the #MeToo movement has done is shown in more ways than we could have ever comprehended, how not just overtly sexual but also ridiculously inappropriate behaviors have shamed and stifled women.

We have indeed only scratched the surface of the sexism that kept Hillary out of the White House.  I am glad that the accusations of sexual harassment by creepy Matt Lauer led to us all taking a second long look at his condescension and bullying of Hillary Clinton during a candidates' forum.  But what of Chuck Todd, who could not say a critical word about Donald Trump without stating that Trump and Hillary were the most disliked candidates in history; of course, much of the distrust of Hillary came not from any proof ("I don't know why; I just don't trust her") but from comments like those of Chuck Todd.

And, women, we have to stop making excuses.

I had a really hard time with Al Franken.  My excuse: the incident happened before he was senator, and his whole schtick had been pushing the edge.  In fact, Leeann Tweeden accepted Franken's apology as sincere and stated it had not been her wish to have him removed from office.  And, except for the stupid and gross behavior that he sees as comic and women see as, well, stupid and gross, he is an amazing progressive senator who has stood strong for women's rights.

That's where all this gets tough.  We have lost Franken in the Senate and may well end up with the homophobic pervert Roy Moore.  And let us not forget the sexual predator that is contaminating the White House.

So I suggest that:

1.  We keep talking.  There are no right and wrong answers.  Not yet.  There will always be fuzzy lines, but there can be a lot more clarity, as long as we keep insisting on being heard.  As long as we are not afraid to argue; the differences will lead to clarity in time.

2.  We learn to say NO.  The saddest thing about Leeann Tweeden's experience was that a professional woman was unable to immediately and unequivocally tell Franken to knock it off.  Women need to learn to do it.  And we need to make sure our daughters are able to do it.  Without fear of repercussion.

3.  We insist on real consequences.  Right this very minute, while Paul Ryan is having wet dreams at the thought of killing Social Security and Medicare, Mitch McConnell is chuckling over the fact that the Dems have lost two strong progressive voices in Congress and he is about to gain one demented sexual predator, who, like the other one he supported, will endorse any piece of shit bill the republicans push through.  And, for that matter, it is time to get rid of the Congressional slush fund that pays, through our tax dollars, for findings of misconduct.

Yes, that's right.  Congress has its own special deal with the US Treasury that fines levied due to findings of misconduct will be paid with tax dollars.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???

A few weeks ago, Saturday Night Live had an hilarious sketch featuring "Claire from HR."  Laugh your ass off, and then listen to it again, because, absurdly, this is reality.

There is so much misogyny in all workplaces, yet it seems fitting that we begin by shining the light on the swamp creatures in Congress.  After all, by being charged with making the laws that we live by, they have come to see themselves as above the law.  Their behavior has become more egregious, their stated intent to ignore our needs more blatant, as this sick Trump administration blunders forward.

It is fitting that on January 21, women led the way to resistance, and we will continue to fight for what is right.  Respect for women should be our top priority.

Because as Hillary Clinton said, "Women's rights are human rights."